Questions & Answers

Allow a two-part answer. On the one hand you may be sure that God is answering your prayers. On the other hand, you really cannot be sure of this based on "how well things are going."

Your resolve to include this matter in your daily prayers is wonderful and fitting. Continue to do so. God has invited your prayers, assured you that on the basis of Christ's perfect saving work for you that your prayers are welcomed and will be heard, and that God will answer your prayers in ways that are ultimately for your good. These are the sure and certain things to trust. Yes, he is hearing and answering your prayers.

However, it is not wise to assume that, because things between you and this childhood friend seem to be going very well, you have sure evidence that God is answering your prayers in a certain way. This may be correct -- and I will rejoice with you if things continue to go well between you. But God sometimes chooses to take his dearly loved children through unexpected trials and frustrations too, and we want to allow him that option at all times. If he chooses to do this in the foreseeable future, we will acknowledge his love regardless and will still trust that he is answering our prayers with utmost love and wisdom.

So what should you do? Continue in your prayers, rejoice in those blessings God is currently giving you, recommit yourself to growing in your faith-life through the gospel, and leave the rest in God's capable hands. Also trust that if this friend is the life partner for you, he will likely also be commiting himself to growth in his faith-life, seeking God's will in his life, and demonstrating to you that he is a Christian brother above and beyond a boyfriend.

Sometimes people do not know where to start reading in the Bible, so they do what you describe. They say, "Lord, show me where you want me to read" and randomly open their Bible and start reading wherever the Bible happens to open. This has long been known as the "lucky dip" method. The Lord could give blessing in this way, but we have no promise (or Bible example) that he will. In general it is not the best way to read his Word.

To show some of the dangers in the "lucky dip" method, consider the following illustration that has been around for generations: The story is told of a man who used this method. The first verse he happened to turn to was Matthew 27:5 which says Judas "went away and hanged himself." Since he was not sure how this verse applied to himself, he flipped to another passage and the Bible fell open to Luke 10:37: "Jesus told him, Go, and do likewise." The man was quite upset and he did not know how he could ever obey that, so he decided to turn to one more place. Again he opened the Bible at random and to his horror his finger fell upon John 13:27: "What you are about to do, do quickly." Each of the verses are taken out of their context and end up giving messages that are not helpful or suitable.

Here are a few encouragements that have been around a long time. They point to a better and richer way to use the Bible.

• Read systematically. When we read a book, a story, a letter or an essay, we generally start at the beginning and read through until we get to the end. This is how the writer wrote it, and this is the best way to read it. The same should be true with the books of the Bible. The best way to read is to start at the beginning of a book and continue until you get to the end. When Paul wrote the book of Romans, he did not write chapter 13 first and then chapter 8. He began with chapter 1 and then wrote chapter 2, etc. Shouldn't we read it this way to enjoy his message?
• Read carefully. Pay close attention to each word. Be careful not to let your mind start to daydream. (To check this you can always ask yourself: What did I just read?)
• Read inquisitively. As you read the Bible, be asking questions such as these: Who is the author or speaker? To whom is the passage written or who is the speaker addressing? What are the main ideas? Other key questions that will help to bring out the meaning of the passage as are follows: Is there any command to obey? Is there any promise to believe? Is there a good example to follow? Is there any sin to avoid? Do I learn anything about God? Do I learn anything about humans—me? Is there anything I can thank God for?
• Read lovingly. Think of a young woman in love with her fiancé who is separated from her by many miles. How do you suppose she would read his love letters? As soon as the letter arrives in the mail she would open it and read it all the way through with great interest. Then she would likely read it again, this time slowly. She would think about every word. She would lovingly meditate upon every phrase and think to herself, "I wonder why he said this?" Even after she finishes reading the letter she would remember much of what was contained in the letter and she would continue thinking about it throughout the day. Read the Bible in that way! The Bible is God's love letter to us.
• Read prayerfully. Trust the Holy Spirit to teach you. Make it a habit to pray before you read. Psalm 119:18 is a good example of such a prayer. It is the Lord that gives understanding (2 Timothy 2:7). In this way the reading of God's Word may serve as a constant source of joy and wisdom to your heart!

There is no doubt that the Lord is presenting you with some challenging situations. Knowing how to pray is not always an easy task. We want to accept God's will and his providence over our lives and the lives of our loved ones. But we realize that he also invites us to pray.

We may wonder why God does this, especially if he knows what he is going to do anyway. Here we simply have to trust that our prayers do make a difference because God says they do. He tells us that "the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective" (James 5:16). Hezekiah even gives us an example of how God altered his course of action because of the prayer of one of his people (Isaiah 38). Our prayers make a difference. They play a part in God's governance of the world.

Let's explore what God's Word says about how we should pray. The Lord invites us to "call upon him" (Psalm 50:15) and to "cast all our anxiety on him" (1 Peter 5:7). Jesus adds, "My Father will give you whatever you ask in my name" (John 16:23). Although it may sound as though Jesus is giving us a blank check, we understand his words alongside of other sections of Scripture where God teaches us that we always pray with the attitude, "Not my will but yours be done" (Matthew 6:10; James 4:13-15). However, these passages do point out that we are to pray with confidence, knowing that we can ask for anything and that God will hear that prayer and consider our request. In Philippians 4:6 the apostle Paul states, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

You certainly have some matters that are weighing heavily on your heart and mind. God invites you to bring these matters to him in prayer. He also adds that you can ask for what may seem impossible recognizing that what may seem impossible to us is possible for God (Matthew 19:26).

Considering these passages, it is appropriate for you to pray for a miracle in the lives of your loved ones. You can pray that the Lord will heal them from their cancer. But as you pray for this miracle you accept the fact that God may not work a miracle in this case. This does not mean God did not hear your request. It does not mean that God did not answer your prayer. God always hears our prayers and answers them. But when he doesn't give us what we want, he gives us something better. That is not always easy to understand in this life. We may not see how God is giving us something better by allowing a loved one to suffer through an illness and perhaps even die from that disease. Yet we have his promise that he will do what is best for us and our loved ones.

You are asking a question many professing Christians have asked. And this allows us to identify a really important aspect of our faith-life as God's people.

"We live by faith, not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7) is a good description of the Christian life and perhaps especially of our prayer lives. Very often we do not know from visible or dramatic evidence that our prayers are being answered. That would be "living by sight." Rather, we know that our prayers are being answered because God invites us to pray and promises that he will hear and answer our prayers. So whether or not we can point to some "evidence" in our lives or the lives of others, we know our prayers are answered. That is "living by faith." The ability to do this and to be content with this is a gift of the Holy Spirit through the Word of God—and it is a great blessing regarding prayer, as well as regarding the work of our Savior Jesus Christ, the reality of heaven as our home, or the truth that God causes all things to serve our ultimate good (Romans 8:28). In short, you do well to stop asking, "Are my prayers being answered?" They are. God promises this.

Additionally, you do well to remember that while God always answers your prayers, he sometimes may answer "Yes!" and on other occasions "No!" Sometimes he says "Wait! or "Not yet!" and takes time to give us what we ask for. But all along we know by faith that he is answering our prayers. If he grants your request in a quick and obvious way, you know that he not only heard your prayer, but he decided to answer it the way you asked. But if he does not grant your request quickly or obviously, his answer may be "No" or "Wait." But he still answers the prayer. This we believe because he promises this and he is 100% faithful to his promises.

At times—and this may or may not be true of you—there might be specific reasons why God may not answer a specific prayer at a specific time. Here are some sample reasons the Bible mentions: We don't really believe God can answer the prayer (James 1:6-8). We ask with wrong motives (James 4:3). Unconfessed sin separates us from God, so that he won't listen (Isaiah 59:1-2). We don't answer those who cry to us for help (Proverbs 21:13).

I don't want you to jump to conclusions about your specific situation, however, so I urge you to speak with your pastor in person. You can then discuss more fully examples and features of living by faith rather than by sight.